From City Life to the Holler: THAT'S Legal Transportation 'Round Here?

I'm loving visiting here in the country. It's quiet, it's quaint and.... what the hell is that noise? It sounds like a.... no. It can not be. Whaaaaa? On the road??

Since my makeshift office is in the front of the house I have a front row view to what and (once I learn folk) who is coming in and out of town (a 2 lane highway makes it easy). Imagine my surprise when I see this chugging up the road:

(Yes, there are items in the attached little cart)

It is, indeed, a riding lawn mower WITH a little trailer. My jaw dropped. I started laughing. The Vince Gill song 'One More Last Chance' when he jokes his wife took his car keys but 'forgot about his 'ol John Deere' shot thru my mind causing me to chuckle more. I shook my head and thought that would be it so I went back to unpacking my office crap (btw, I have a lot more office crap than I should). Soon after I saw this coming:

(Can't keep me from town-I got my serious hat on)

And then this going: 

(Mow, mow, mow the street...)

All within, probably, half an hour. I had to stop and just... I was laughing so hard I could hardly contain myself. When my host came home I asked him about it. "Oh yeah," he says serious-like. "People drive their riding mowers to town and back all the time. There was a tag sale Uptown* and she probably brought the trailer knowing she was going to buy stuff. Oh, and people DO get DUIs on them."

He had read my mind.

"And before you ask, yes my nephew will drive mine to his house to mow their lawn & then back to mow mine. But we don't drive ours into town, oh heck no," he informs me. Before I can breathe a sigh of relief he adds, "That's what the golf cart is for. It'll be back from the shop tomorrow."

The golf cart arrives at the house in the morning. Being a city girl I'm sure you, my friends, can picture what I was thinking. Cream colored, non descript golf cart like any normal golf course has. Noooooo. What pulls up on a trailer is a big wheeled, bright green, loud mini-bike sounding honkin' BEAST of a golf cart. So it's not a golf cart, it's a GOLF CART.

(See our riding mower in the back. It doesn't go to town cause, you know, it'd attract too much attention)

The guys  are stoked to get it back and mess around on it for the next while.  My host took me on a ride and despite the loudness of the engine it was fun (of course!) And then I saw it--or them. The one thing (two things) that I had hoped upon all hope that would never, ever be on one a vehicle I was riding in. But there they were in full on solid steel just a swangin':

(BALLS!)

From the city to the holler, nothing I experience is ever dull and things here are not normal as I know them. And I dig it-it's kinda fun (temporarily.)

Pardon me, I have to go for a cruise on the golf, er excuse me, GOLF CART.

*Uptown - Downtown Union City as Uptown even though it's the Downtown area (I guess 'cause we live south of it?)

Polish Vodka + Dooley's Irish = I Love My Client & My Career

Help! I'm stuck in a beer cooler!

I'm giddy. Or drunk, I'm not sure yet. But I'm really thrilled with my new client--the chain of Dooley's venues. As their Social Media Stategist & PR girl I've been having a blast just 3 days into the position, and it's been a pleasure working with a partner who knows what's up in the realm of bars/restuarant need-to-happens. It's such a breath of fresh air, especially since I take what I do seriously... and with a shot of vodka.

Plus it's like going home, since I started my redic little career (read: amazing big job) back in '99 with Wild Woody's, which is now a Dooley's since it's the same owners. I've got mad respect for Frank--he's responsible for training me in almost all my marketing/pr/event planning glory. Plus he had the good sense to bring me back for all this Social Media wonderfulness I'm about to impart on the 3 venues known for pointing the fun bazooka at patrons. All the managers --especially 1 in partic (short for particular)-- have been wonderful and the staff is so sweet. How could I not want to be in these bars touting their awesomeness with my, well, awesomeness? 

It's all your fault, Frank, hiring me in 1999.

So yeah, permasmile is on my face. And vodka is on my breath. Go to Dooley's Roseville, Sterling Heights or Mt Clemens & get ready for a night o' fun, festivities &, in my case, vodka. I'll see you there, peeps.

Great times with greater friends-Dooleys is IT!

My Chick Independ-Dance of Cocktails & Cartwheels

Sleep hath forsaken me for a Slurpee & a Slim Jim, and Night Ranger's '4 in the Morning' is carousing thru my skull since, well, it's 4 in the morning. Since I've been sleeping single-ly for 2 1/2 months now, I'm taking great excitement in being able to just turn on the light & get online at this unGodly hour... because I CAN.

The past few months have been, in a word, fabu (short for fabulous). Single, well, suits me right now. I'm giggly embracing the girliness that's been hiding under being in a relationship, and I love this 'once-was-lost-but-now-baCK' chick with a passion.

It's the little things: I take up my entire queensized bed when I sleep. I've redone my bedroom, living room, & bathroom to be all girly again.  I've whooshed off for a weekend at last minute with about 50 friends, and other weekends get booked up quick to play in Muskamoot Bay, Poormans, Vegas, or wherever the fun is kickin'. Music is on from morning to night and I dance like a goof when I like a song. I wear lingerie & perfume to bed, lost 30 pounds & changed health habits all just for myself.

Put In Bay? OK!

Single-ly it's easier & awes (short for awesome) to do what I want, when I want, how I want with no reprecussions of stupidity or ashamedness because I've come to realize just how much I value myself, my beliefs and what I feel I deserve out of life.  I have an all new set of standards in dating that I've been sticking to as well as a few expectations in the 'Act Like a Gentleman, Not a Douchy Player' department, and dates have truly been quality over quantity which reflects a new 'tude, especially because it frees up nights with the girls & boating with the guys. Ohhh... those nights with my girls.

Girls! Girls! Girls!

Life's been good so far (thank you, Joe Walsh. Now if I could have that Masaretti that does 185 I'd be set).

What Doesn't Kill Me Gets Easier with Vodka

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, what did I get myself into? I must've hit the crackpipe before I scheduled this lovely line up: The Dating Game at Your Mother's, Hottiefest at The Beach Grill, and Heather's Toga Bday Bash at my place. Yes, back. To back. To back. And the success of all 3 lie on my shoulders. But you know what? Piece of cake. *snaps fingers* I can handle this no problem-it's in my blood. Supergirl in full effect.

More artsy, less fartsy.

What the ass-hander is all the little stuff that comes up that may or may not be event related. Like people backing out of commitments and having to scatter to find replacements. Things are easy to replace, like a lipstick, a hammer, or booze from your neighbor's liquor cabinet. People really aren't.

Or when you break your last favorite wine glass. Or a highball glass from your brand new set. Or drop 20 pounds of cat food on your foot then you SLICE the HELL out of your finger opening the bag with the sharp scissors from your really expensive and fabulous knife set. And then you find out the couches you were expecting are no longer coming because a dog ripped the arms to shreds. And you keep trying to spell shred 'shread.' And then your kitten runs away. And then you get hit on via FB by creepers who used your business as a means to an 'in.' And then you get nasty messaged by some uncouth, know-nothing guy you don't even KNOW because you didn't return a FB message about his hanging a sign about his really idiotic business in places it doesn't belong, calling you garbage. And then you blow a fuse. And then an ex comes on to you because he hears you're single again. You know what? Single is just a word; your heart decides your status, bucko.

So where is that vodka bottle? Let's make this day easier.

Found it!

(This is from a photo shoot for a cigar bar. Photo

cred to my photog in heaven Mia Photo.)

Fish, Clowns, & Going to the Dentist

Right now I'd happily hold the hand of a naked man rollerskating if it would make this pain in my tooth go away & I don't have to go to the dentist.

I'm not afraid of much, but the trifecta of my fear lies in the motley grouping that is fish, clowns and going to the dentist. The fish part is weird because I like being on the water and am known to drown worms on vacation ('being a stripper is a lot like being a fisherman--you gotta get used to the pole to be any good at it.'- me, on Otsego Lake), so I think it stems from my parents making me watch Jaws at the drive in when I was a child. Although I could escape the scene on the screen there was no escaping the sound from the speaker put illogically in the backseat window. Hearing the carnage was worse than seeing it for me.

The clowns stem from yet another This-Is-Fun-Idea my parents had. They decided to take me to a haunted house and after about 20 yards in my father realized their epic fail in guessing what I would find fun in my 7 year old world. Although I squeezed my eyes tight, I could still hear the eerie laughter and slaughter, and when my eyes popped unwillingly open there was the scariest clown I'd ever seen leering at me, arms outstretched. I screamed and practically crawled into my dad's jacket. Flash forward to the movie Killer Klowns from Outerspace that I unfortunately stumbled across on cable one day and that fear was solidified. Oye.

That brings me to my final fear frontier, one that I will have to face mouth-on in about an hour: going to the dentist. It all boils down to the same premise: I can close my eyes, but the sound of pulling, ganking, and drilling is going to be in my ears with me unable to escape the noise.  Add in the reality that the noises belong to my dental pieces being extracted from my mouth is enough to make me pass out before he even numbs the area. This is true, people.

The moral is if you want to scare me try the aural route. If aural was missing the U & R and replaced with an N, well, that'll scare me, too. Look, now I forgot about being scared of the dentist.

For a hot second.

What Doesn't Kill Us Makes a Good Story-Part 1

It has occured to me I haven't blogged in quite some time, and for that I apologize and you can take a beer from Pachenga Rick's cooler.


At the end of February I realized that I have lived through truly the SHITTIEST year of my life, but despite all the adversity I was still alive--and had a story to tell.


Here, in order and in a nutshell, are the proverbial details: Jan 2011 I was officiall divorced, 2 weeks later I had to put my 16 year old cat Stinky down, in February we had to face Hospice for my dad and in April we lost him to Lung Cancer (phucking Cancer sucks). In June I lost 3 of my 4 clients for CKPEP, and in August the nutjob of an editor for the magazine I was working for began his descent into questionable behaviour and in mid September he capped it by being jailed & oweing me money. I slipped into the poorhouse (pretty much) & decided it would be a good idea to start a new magazine w 2 people I barely knew. By the end of January 2012 I knew with blazing certinty that was the worst fucking idea and move in my ENTIRE spectacular life, and by the end of February there was a barrage of fuck you, you two are the worst people on the face of this Earth. Hello, life? Space Shuttle Challenger called and they want their firey explosion & disaster back.

Needless to say, between being dirt poor, trying to make a magazine work when no one but yourself seemed to care, and trying to deal with the emotional scars of losing a pet and your hero, and watching your beloved business slip considerably it was a tough chunk of calendar to deal with. I wouldn't call it writer's block in not being able to blog. I would call it fucking Lindsay Lohaning it.

I'm going to save part 2 for another blog, probably tomorrow even. But when I took a look back over the adversity I faced--me, a strong, smart, loving, goofball woman that takes no shit--I realized that I was still breathing. I COULD deal with it. I CAN survive above the garbage that was being hurled at my psyche & world. What shiny object did I see hanging at the end of the bar?

Grab a beer, and check here tomorrow. I promise it's not churchy, God-y, I-ve-been-saved-by-the-Baby-Jesus sort of thing. That's for people who go door to door. Nope, just good ol' being inspired to aspire once again...

Inside Macomb, Inside CK

Whew! Who knew starting a new business would be a great diet? Between long hours, meetings, legalities, and the work there's been no time to dine. But that's ok when one is excited about a new kick ass project that's going to go places. Welcome Inside Macomb--a monthly magazine that will serve as an all-access pass to nightlife and beyond in our county.

Now let me tell you a quick background as to how this project came about, 'cause there is a lil questioning about the how (I'm part Canadian, so hear that as a-boot).

We have kept underwraps pretty much why we've come to business for ONE reason: it's not our place to tell someone else's story. There are many compelling reasons how we came to be that we don't believe need to be 'put out there' to justify our existence, and that's that.

We saw a way to fill a void cleverly, consisely, PROFESSIONALLY, legally, and entertainingly. We pooled our resourses and came together as partners-- a nightlife noteable with 12 years of experience in all aspects bars, restaurants and nightclubs, a sunshiney tanning salon owner with 10 years of real estate, organization & networking under her belt, and the big muscle rounding out the trio bringing a successful bailbond business and LED screen media companyto the table-- to improve on an idea that had been previously attempted. We are here to put our spin on things happening in Macomb County, to do so in a way that's unique to our brand of craziness & fun. We're here for one purpose: to put out a proper, fun, entertaining & informative paper every month and on time. Ok, so maybe that's a couple purposes. You get the drift, catch my wind.

The first issues ready to be distributed!

We've solidified relationships all over the county (and beyond, spacechimp) and have done so for years. We feel that if our names don't speak for ourselves our product soon will. Score!

We're excited. We're also... raising an eyebrow? We know that there will be those who will mock, disapprove of either the content of how we came to be (of course, without knowing the whole story but we won't hold their simple uneducation of the sitch against them), and try to hone in on the turf... and that's ok. But we have already been posed against threats and rediculous conjecture. Folks taking piles of our mag & throwing them out, only to have them returned by the vigiliant staff watching.

So to all those who support me and my projects and know me, I thank you.  We are super excited about this, and we are poised to handle all rediculous situation with the same reasoning we started Inside Macomb: creatively,cleverly, consisely, PROFESSIONALLY, legally, and entertainingly.

Our first cover: a unique wrap around masterpiece.

Let's just call this next month a November to Remember.

Cheers!