Fish, Clowns, & Going to the Dentist

Right now I'd happily hold the hand of a naked man rollerskating if it would make this pain in my tooth go away & I don't have to go to the dentist.

I'm not afraid of much, but the trifecta of my fear lies in the motley grouping that is fish, clowns and going to the dentist. The fish part is weird because I like being on the water and am known to drown worms on vacation ('being a stripper is a lot like being a fisherman--you gotta get used to the pole to be any good at it.'- me, on Otsego Lake), so I think it stems from my parents making me watch Jaws at the drive in when I was a child. Although I could escape the scene on the screen there was no escaping the sound from the speaker put illogically in the backseat window. Hearing the carnage was worse than seeing it for me.

The clowns stem from yet another This-Is-Fun-Idea my parents had. They decided to take me to a haunted house and after about 20 yards in my father realized their epic fail in guessing what I would find fun in my 7 year old world. Although I squeezed my eyes tight, I could still hear the eerie laughter and slaughter, and when my eyes popped unwillingly open there was the scariest clown I'd ever seen leering at me, arms outstretched. I screamed and practically crawled into my dad's jacket. Flash forward to the movie Killer Klowns from Outerspace that I unfortunately stumbled across on cable one day and that fear was solidified. Oye.

That brings me to my final fear frontier, one that I will have to face mouth-on in about an hour: going to the dentist. It all boils down to the same premise: I can close my eyes, but the sound of pulling, ganking, and drilling is going to be in my ears with me unable to escape the noise.  Add in the reality that the noises belong to my dental pieces being extracted from my mouth is enough to make me pass out before he even numbs the area. This is true, people.

The moral is if you want to scare me try the aural route. If aural was missing the U & R and replaced with an N, well, that'll scare me, too. Look, now I forgot about being scared of the dentist.

For a hot second.